I was doing a spot of shopping the other day at Asda's, trying to find a suitable devotional gift for the terrible Goddess in the 'Just Past It's Sell By Date' section, when I heard Michael Aspirin, speaking to a display of tinned mushy peas, behind which he was hiding, mutter,

"Daddy Papersurfer, this is your f******* life you b******".

I was rushed to the car park, shoved into a 2CV and taken to the local TV station.
.
On the set I sat there feeling a mite bemused, as lappytop after lappytop was brought on to the set and placed on a chair.

"DP, you b***** c*****, these are here to represent all your friends on the interweave ............ ummm ....... whatever"

"Ah". [?????? these television personalities are slightly different from what I'm used to seeing on the box. Something to do with the editing I suppose.]

"None of the b****** could be bothered to join us. p** b** w**** ...... and....... who could ......... ....... stuff"

"Oh"

Then there was a video message from Gertrude, who just stood there without saying a word, looking superior and batting his eyelids.

"P**** h*** f******* b***** and now!..........."
............... total silence ............. nothing ............ Michael just stared at me.


Suddenly


"The real star of the b****** show - Lo, she is a terrible and f****** g******* Goddess!!"



The TG swept down the stairs, the audience rose to their feet, Michael Aspirin fainted and all the lights went out.



Unfortunately, the show will never be aired and I never got the famous red book. Apparently the presence of the TG wiped all the tapes and Mr Aspirin is still feeling a little queer.

It's a shame really because no one will hear my interesting grouting anecdote.


(I was able to take Mr. Aspirin on one side later and administer some gentle first aid - he responded very well. Lo,TG Ed)