"Dad!"

"Mmm?"

"You don't have to post a blog every day you know......"

"Mmm?"

"..........if all you can come up with is rubbish ......."

"Mmm!?"



"Have you even registered with Stumbleupon?"

"Mmm!??"

"At least do that!"

"Mmm!!??!"

"Oh, for goodness sake - I give up!"

"Mmm!!!!!!!?!!"

Sometimes I feel like this



but not very often.

A Great Uncle gave Papersurfer Jnr one of those mini remote controlled helicopters for Christmas. I was bit jealous so I came up with a cunning plan.



When I was allowed a go, I pretended I had no control over it .
Unbeknownst to the terrible Goddess, Penfold, Tiggz and Jnr, I had got up in the dead of night and practised!! So when I skimmed the decorations and gave the tinsel a hair-cut, they thought it was a mistake. Having established my uselessness at flying it, I cunningly steered it to land on Jnr's head, pulling out a fair proportion of his hair - apparently it was quite painful. This led to the reaction I was after. He was so traumatised, he insisted that the helicopter stayed with me when he left to visit his other relatives - result!!!!
I'm now planning on fixing an eeny weeny camera on it and then using it to spy on Wopra next door to see how her Brazilian is getting on. If I'm successful, I'll let you know. (I'll be cutting you a Brazilian - with the helicopter! Lo,TG Ed)

.

I, for one, have been extremely dubious about whether there are in fact humans behind the avatars that people use on their Blogs.

There is now definite proof that there are and this has been provided by those lovely people at Fuelmyblog ; they have produced a book!!!



What is remarkable is that none of the pictures in this remarkable and fascinating book has been massaged in any way - honest guv! Oh yes, this tome is full of pictures so even if you have trouble reading, there's still plenty to do.

Just imagine who you can curl up in bed with - the list is endless; particularly if you have the same difficulty counting as you do reading.

Aaaaaaaaaaand it's all for charity! As far as I'm concerned this goes right against the grain but I am a lone voice in a sea of generous and kind people. Oh well.....

Anyway, buy it here and learn something. Tell your friends if you have any and if you haven't, buy two copies.

.

You can see what happened can't you? Oh, you can't - let me explain.



The splendid t-shirt was a prize I won in a competition run by FuelMyBlog in conjunction with Snorgtees. The main prize was $500 which was won by some Canadian bird. To my mind she used some rather dubious tactics involving goddess's wobbly bits but there you go.
Anyway, on the day before Christmas [I call it Christmas Eve to save valuable time] the postman rang the doorbell again - he always rings twice - and shoved another package into my hand.
I tore it apart and discovered a pair of charentaises!
Apparently chic Sylvie was tidying Kevin's cupboard and underneath his collection of 'magazines', she found these lovely slippers and she thought of me. I was so excited, they were all I wore for several hours until the terrible Goddess told me to get a grip and dress properly. (It was horrible; I had a severe migraine as a result. Lo,TG Ed)
Of course, after the 'highs' come the 'lows' - but I reckon I'll feel better tomorrow. (The low bits were the problem. Lo,TG Ed)

Thank you Sylvie and Snorgtees - and Kevin, I hope your little tootsies aren't getting chilblains. BTW, Sylvie tells me she makes you comb your back before going out - perhaps you could use all your dead hair to make up some underwear or a new pair of charentaises.

.

There is going to be an added complication in the gated community; if people do not put their rubbish [trash] in the big bins more thoughtfully, Special Forces rubbish guards are going to be posted.



That will cause a problem when I take Gertrude out for his morning canter. How will I get him get him past the guards unnoticed? I only have pyjamas to dress him in, and quite frankly, that is going to look a mite suspicious. If we have an unexpected visitor knocking at the front door it's perfectly all right passing a llama off as friends appearing in a pantomime, but how would I explain the pyjamas in the great outdoors?

However, I am working on a cunning plan.



The secret will be to cause a distraction every time I take Gertrude out. So what I thought I'd do is either ask the terrible Goddess to streak across the communal gardens [which quite honestly I don't think she'll be too keen on if there's frost on the ground](Or at any other time, Sunshine. Lo,TG Ed) or I'll set off a small firework display and some smoke bombs on the opposite side of the building from the waste bins. Not only will the guards be lured away to go and see what's happening, they'll have to clear the mess up as well.

My only problem now is, how do I get Gertrude back indoors? I'm sure I'll think of something.

[and what did I get from him for Christmas? .......... a fur ball of gigantic proportions!! - gee thanks]