I'm with Jeremy Clarkson about the dangers of global warming and the importance of carbon footprints - a load of old rubbish! Or I was until the other morning.

The terrible Goddess went off for a hair appointment - an event that I find extremely unsettling for many reasons, all too complicated to go into now.

I had just read an extremely interesting article in the Saga magazine whilst quaffing my Earl Grey and eating a gypsy cream. It was about how people used to brick up a child's first pair of shoes, after they had grown out of them, into the backs of inglenook fireplaces [I would have considered not taking them off](What a nice DaddyP. Lo, TG Ed). A brick would be prised out and the shoes placed in the cavity. The brick was then broken in half and replaced to disguise the hiding place.

I decided to investigate our inglenook. I stood right in on the hearth and had a good look round with a torch trying to see any irregularities in the lime mortar.
There was nothing to be seen so I stepped out onto the carpet. I froze. There had been a fall of soot I hadn't noticed and one sooty foot was on the CARPET !!!!!!!!

I carefully stepped back into the fireplace and there on the brand new cream carpet, laid because the house is up for sale [some people were coming round to view that afternoon, hence the terrible Goddess having her hair done - and while she was out my job was to tidy up and make sure everything looked it's best ] was a CARBON FOOTPRINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was IMPORTANT and very DANGEROUS.

I took off my shoes one at a time and stepped onto a clear bit of floor. I threw the shoes out of the window and into the garden. I rushed to find the vacuum cleaner - the TG was due back any minute. The soot came up easily, thank heavens, and I only just remembered to vacuum the fireplace removing the evidence of my misdemeanor.



I might give more consideration to all this global warming stuff now, but honestly I'm hardly in control of my own life.

(Because I was out I knew nothing about any of this. Just as well really. Lo, TG Ed.)