All those lovely pockets so that you can carry the essentials of modern day living. A mobile phone, a wallet, keys, loose change, tissues in case of a sneezing fit, a set of screwdrivers for emergency manly problems, dog biscuits to ward off attacks, a snack or two, a bottle of water on the off chance that global warming kicks in unexpectedly and a spare pair of knickers for when you get run over by a bus and you need a clean pair.
All these pockets have led to what I call 'pocket trauma' and what ex head and midnight toker Penfold calls 'pocket paranoia'.
Every time I go out, I load up my trousers and do a last check for the house keys. Mysteriously they have always moved from the pocket I thought I had put them in. There follows a lot of thigh and bottom slapping, velcro peeling, button undoing and popper unpopping until they're found. On an average day out, this process has to be repeated 42 times ..... and that's when I'm wearing trousers that I'm familiar with. I'm going to have to buy some new ones soon and I'm not looking forward to it. Perhaps I'll have a bespoke pair made with designated function pockets, very clearly labelled. Yes, I think that should do the trick and it'll have the added advantage that a mugger won't have to rummage around too long and waste his valuable time trying to find exactly what he's after .......RESULT.
If you feel so inclined, please blow up the BOMB - I've got a long way to go to catch up with my little rascal.
