It's nearly the longest day here in Blighty, well in a week or so anyway. This is good because it means my early morning irritation score will start to slowly decrease.
I like the light a lot but unfortunately the birds do too. Some of the little buggers start up at 3:30 a.m. and they sound so cheerful, so lively, so LOUD at this ridiculous hour. Normally, as you know, I'm extremely polite, kind and sensitive with an aura of calm and strength that is a rock for many people around the world. (Plus enjoying many, many strange delusions. Lo TG Ed)
But BLOODY birds chattering, exchanging recipes, catching up on the gossip, flirting and fornicating at this time in the morning is beyond the bounds of reason. I lie in bed planning my revenge - no peanuts in the winter months, all their favourite roosting places - tree branches, roofs and bushes - sprayed with something extra slippery, so they can't get a grip. (A bit like you. Lo,TG Ed) Large flat areas like gravel drives, grass, earth and paving covered with glue so when the little darlings alight they can't take off again and will be sitting targets for the pack of Teflon footed hunting cats that I will have imported from China. HA HA HA
................de dum de dum de dum de dum......................I hope the malt whisky hasn't been packed....................de dum de dum de dum..........................I wonder if there will be any birds at the new place ..............we'll be right by the sea with not much greenery ................ I'll miss their cheerful companionship and flashes of bright colour and unexpected appearances.................. ..............de dum de dum de dum de dum.....................................the seaside, the SEASIDE, THE SEASIDE!!!!!! OH NO, bloody SEAGULLS.
(Remember "The Birds" Peabrain? Lo, TG Ed.)
