The large buzzy fly that head bangs windows trying to get out [why, oh why did it come in in the first place?] obeys the TG without hesitation. She opens the window and it goes out. If I try and do the same thing, the fly immediately goes to another window. I saunter over to that window and open it - the offending insect goes upstairs. I follow it all round the house while the TG watches. Eventually, having had enough entertainment for the day, she rises from the sofa and opens the window; the fly immediately speeds from the other end of the house and, bowing, makes his departure.
When night falls the technique has to change. If there is a visitor in the bedroom when it's time for bed, the TG lies down and issues her orders.
"Turn the lights off in here and on in the lobby".
I then hide behind a chest of drawers and wait.
"OK - turn the lights on on the landing and off in the lobby".
If at this stage I fall down the stairs, I have to do it quietly. I limp back up and obey my directions.
"Right - go downstairs, without bleeding on the carpet, light the hall and then come back upstairs and turn the landing lights off" and so it goes on until the offending creature is corralled in the cloakroom to be released the following morning at my leisure.
I can't kill the little buggers as I have a fear that on my demise, either the judge will be a huge bluebottle or, in the case of reincarnation, I'll come back as a lickle, buzzy, irritating nuisance. [I am dreading Lo,TG Ed getting her hands on that sentence]. (Ooh, I wouldn't dream of interfering with it. Lo, TG Ed.).
This was written before we moved and the physical locations relate to our previous habitat. I think I'll probably have to be re-trained now.
Training is always ongoing, Peabrain. I would like to say there has been a slight improvement of late - oh well. Lo, TG Ed.
