I have shamelessly copied these real instructions from one of those annoying round robins that friends insist on sending me. I apologise if this is 'old news' to my avid readers but they did make me chuckle.
They are the result of the over zealous litigious culture that has unfortunately evolved.



On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

I don't know who the original author is of the 'asides' but the instruction at the end of the email was to share .................so I have.