To celebrate [if that’s the right word] 2 blog birthdays please find their end of term reports below.

Olga, the travelling bra.

Olga is a bra that travels. She offers her support to almost anyone. In my day we had a name for that sort of bra.
She has done very well over the past year and I feel she deserves the same amount of support that she herself gives.
8/10 for being sooooo bodacious.




70’s Teen.

Where oh where do I start? The first word that springs to mind is ‘balls’ or more specifically ‘glitter balls’. Also ‘platform soles’, ‘hideous orange stripy clothes’ – actually the list is endless.
Her most famous attribute has been her ability to create a typo where you would have thought it almost impossible not to notice the mistake before posting. However, she has provided me with employment now for a year, so to that end her mark is ………… oh dear, my connection has gone down. Never mind, I’ll add her marks together next year.

This is my reward for you both doing so well.

I’m not talking about my t-shirt profile during a cold snap in December.



I’ve noticed that the majority of my visible readers are goddesses. I know that lurking in the background is a plethora of peabrains, so in the spirit of helpfulness I’ve decided to share with them my deep understanding of goddesses.

1. Goddesses are always right and always logical.
2. Their moods are like mill ponds – with the exception of about 7 days every month with the odd hiccough here and there. This is why the shed was invented.
3. Bums never ever look big in anything, except when wearing a bustle in which case their arses are enormous.
4. They should be adored at all times, even when they’ve just woken up and have got bits in the corners of their eyes.
5. Their opinions are important and occasionally relevant.
6. Multi-tasking is good – it doesn’t mean doing a lot of things badly.
7. Do not use your goddess as an editor - I am now writing this with broken fingers.
8. Ow

I now deserve a really big medal for bravery or, at the very least, a gold star.

Lo, she is a terrible Goddess is celebrating her birthday today. I probably won’t see much of her as her acolytes will be in besiege mode.
I’ve been racking my peabrain to get her a present that doesn’t cost much as my allowance has been sadly depleted this month due to some compensation I had to hand out over an incident at the local supermarket concerning trolley rage and a woman that really should invest in a wig and deodorant. (Breathe, Peabrain, breathe. {or on second thoughts....} Lo,TG Ed)
I thought perhaps a special pebble picked up from the beach or a bit of driftwood.



I then I came up with a cunning plan…….THIS BLOG!

She’ll be so busy receiving sympathy messages as well as fending off her acolytes she won’t notice that I haven’t bought her anything. Please don’t tell on me – thank you. (He's such an optimist - and soooo deluded. Lo,TG Ed)



.

So the plan was to buy the new place and whilst renovating it, live in the comfort of the gated community. With the current state of the housing market - *yawn* - I assumed, as did the terrible Goddess, that it would take ages to sell the apartment.
So what happened? – some people came round the other day and offered the full asking price – oh well – and they want to move in. Reasonably reasonable I suppose – but they want us to move out as well!!!

So what’s the plan now? – apart from panicking of course.



A caravan!!! – parked in the new driveway just to set the tone for our new neighbours – tee hee. We’ve done it before - it’s quite good fun and also acts as an incentive to get on with things.

I really thought we’d done with all this malarkey but there you go.





Do feel free to have a click - thank you.

I know that I spend my time fruitfully and usefully.
Lo, she is a terrible Goddess doesn’t necessarily agree. Fortunately, thanks to Fuelmyblog and their latest competition sponsor , Tsheets.com, she can now keep an eye on my doings.
One way you can enter this competition to win an iPod!!!! [which I really do need BTW] is to describe what I do in the first 5 minutes of my working day.
As I’m on the go 24/7 I'll just pick a typical 5 minutes.
So ………..



Boot up lappytop whilst boiling the kettle.
Read comments left on blog
Make coffee while ignoring comments on blog.
Log into people who’ve left comments on blog and leave comment to tell them to stop leaving comments on my blog.
Step into the FMB cupboard that Kevin and Sylvie have locked me into and try and find a way to escape.
Complain a bit whilst drinking coffee.
Escape from cupboard.
Ignore comments from other bloggers about not wanting to leave comments anyway.
Return to those commentors’ blogs and repeat that I don’t want to hear from them and would they please leave me alone.
Visit the bloggers that haven’t commented to ask why they haven’t.
Pop back to the cupboard to see if the housework has been done.
Finish coffee and put the kettle back on.

I then lean back and think ‘What shall I do with the other 2 minutes? …. oooooo, I know, I’ll make a cup of tea for the TG.’

You see, there really isn’t a cogent argument that could be used to justify checking up on me. (You and the word cogent are incompatible Peabrain, I've told you this before. Lo,TG Ed)

OK, got to go now – someone’s left a comment. Oh, it’s only 70’s – she can wait.



..

Lo, the terrible Goddess and I were having a discussion the other day about what our daemons would be if we lived in Philip Pullman land.

I'm sure the TG’s would be a cat, although there was some discussion about exactly which type. Definitely a sleek black one in my opinion, but then what do I know.

I, however, seemed to cause a problem.



The TG immediately said “A dodo”

“No!! - a hawk maybe”

*raucous laughter*

“I reckon a dog of some sort”

“OK – what sort?”

“Labrador”

“Rubbish, I’m far too butch and sprightly to be a Labrador”

“A shih tzu then”

“Ha ha. What about going back to me being a bird then – like an owl”

“With your tiny brain – I don’t think so” …….. and so it went on for hours. We didn’t come to any conclusions.

If you have any ideas please let me know and you could tell me what you see your daemon being ………….. if you must.




Feel free to click – I won’t mind.