The other day I was doing a spot of shopping in the local supermarket when a man in a wheelchair ran me over a bit. His leg was in a plaster-cast which, apparently, was the result of a bizarre accident on the film set of the new ‘Kill Bill III’ film [working title “Die – you B****r”.
Anyway I spotted that it had been signed by Uma Thurman followed by a telephone number in brackets.
I didn’t have a pen with me but I had just picked up some toothpicks so I carved the number on the pumpkin in my basket.

I then made my big mistake.

I telephoned the number as soon as I got home, not knowing that Uma had the caller identity facility.
“Daddy P – is that really you? I’ve been trying to get your number for ages!!!” She sounded so deranged I slammed the phone down.
It rang almost immediately.



“Don’t hang up!!!” came a desperate voice “ I spotted your Fanzine on the interweave and my legs turned to jelly.”
“Sorry – I think you’ve got the wrong number” – and I rang off again.
She called me about 100 times after that until I was forced to change my number. She is sooooo needy.
That 70’s has a lot to answer for …….. sheeeesh.