Dearest Younger Papersurfer;

As his secretary, I feel morally obligated to share some tips with you. I know you have spent more aggregated time with him (you know I mean time accumulated, although I do realize how similar that word looks to "aggravated" time - a term that likely makes more sense) but I feel that I've spent more time with him of late, and therefore desperately understand what you're going through right now. I'd like to offer some suggestions.

1. Please... don't let another follicle go astray. I suggest you do as I have learned to do, and that is to simply pull out his hair instead. (This has been approved by the U.N.)

2. Please... the SPCA (The Society for Prevention of Cruely to Automobiles) will certainly come after you if you continue to handle your anxieties in the manner pictured. I've prepared a memo that will be faxed en masse tomorrow. It reads:

[Begin]

To: Citizens of the World
Re: Anxiety Management as pertaining to a certain D. Papersurfer
Date: May 5. 2008

It has been determined by the WHO, that a rash of anxiety-related illnesses plaguing the world can be traced back to a certain individual residing in the U.K. While this person's identity is being kept confidential to avoid riots, it can be said that said individual is of unmistakeable appearance (he wears a box) and should, to avoid hair-loss and possible fractures, be avoided.

The current wisdom regarding how to deal with confrontation by said individual (if avoidance teqniques fail) is to locate the nearest cupboard and coerce the individual to enter the cupboard (it helps to tell him he may find Uma Thurman inside the cupboard) and then lock it quickly. Call authorities to collect him, and you will be able to spare yourself any further hair loss or fractures (of both your and your automobiles's body).

[End]

Though I'm sure you've already found that many (women mainly) find you quite attractive without the hair, I do think the vehicle would look better without the dents. Please give my suggestions a try.

This comment from the fractured Fraccy has been submitted to the Omblogsman [Record Division] as a candidate for the looooooongest comment in history at the blog of Daddy Papersurfer who actually had to take a comfort break whilst reading and inwardly digesting, and therefore outwardly digesting, said comment.

Um, the comment isn't the long part... the long part was where the memo was copied (for the sake of the younger Papersurfer). I realize you're not used to reading all that important stuff... that's why I usally sign all important correspondence with your name for you.

I'd think this time you'd at least try though. Seeing as how the well-being of the fruit of your loins is at stake and all.

What? Oh... did you hear that DP? It was Uma. She said to tell you she's waiting over there in that cupboard. If you hurry....

Hah, I've fallen for that one before! ..................... perhaps, I'll just go and check though - you never know. I'll take that memo with me and try and read it. [tsk ........ staff nowadays]

Oooo ........ before I go, young Fracas, I made an amazing discovery the other day in the local antique shop ...... I'll tell you about it soon, just got to ....... you know ....... whoooooosh

It's all right Fracas...I am here now...here you come DP, I will show you the way to the cupboard...we have a special guest you know...she is very impatient to see you...

Good thing you arrived just now. It's rather late here in Canada and I can't imagine what trouble he'd cause if I had to leave him unattended for a while.

I do hope Penfold knows how much we must care about him. Honestly... the things one must do to save a friend's follicles (or noggin).

I've been over there but couldn't find anyone ......... should I go back I wonder?
So long as you lot are OK just chatting amongst yourselves ..... I don't understand a word anyway...........

Yes, Tango strong like ox ... Penfold weak like ...

PS: Ooops, sorry 'bout the car signal light

....... but he said he didn't do it!!!!!!!

Love my mum to bits but when held in close captivity .... 'fraid my reaction is similar to Pens.

Most people I meet end up feeling the same - pity and rage - don't know why ............ de dum de dum de dum de dum

so has the United Nations come to a state of calm ??

No - I'm still here ..... tee hee ....... de dum de dum de dum de dum.

[Got to take them to Gatwick tomorrow morning - boo hoo - it's been fun - Tiggz came over today as well]

[aww how lovely you had every one together... hope Gerty behaved oh and you too ??]

[Gertrude only made a brief appearance - he was very busy - and OF COURSE I behaved myself ............... in a way.]

Ooooooow - ouch

:-)

He just can't stand the pace - tee hee

[Does this mean you are up and running young Nursey? I better check ............]

I agree with your secretary, let Penfold pull out YOUR hair instead. Or give you a headbutt. Your noggin can take it.

....... and I thought you were kind and luverly ........ oh well

yes I know I am very late. but, I had to go to town. My geese and birds needed food.

Where ever do you come up with these ideas? Just don't you worry I am spending the day brewing something up just for you!!:-)

Hummmm....what shall it be? It has to be something extra special for you-tee-hee!!

"brewing" would indicate something a little scary .........
*hides under table just in case*

Just a side note...

Is there some special prize for flicking your thingy?

The satisfaction that comes from helping an old man.